1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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