OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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