Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40s are totally the cure
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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