So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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