I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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