I'm really into asian looking animals
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
