you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Drake has all the answers
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
