i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
