chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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