Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
