I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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