my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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