If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
