Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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