I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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