You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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