today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
