ugly people sure do ruin things
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
