John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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