go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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