3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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