nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
