This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
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What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
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I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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