found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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