I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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