I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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