His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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