i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize