Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
