Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
