We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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