a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
