She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
