Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
