Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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