Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
