I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
