i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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