i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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