i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
