I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
