i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
