she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Acid is not a monday night drug
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
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