yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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