she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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