so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
