call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
