I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
