I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
