he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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