Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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