it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
