RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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