New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
