I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Oh god it's open bar.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
